I got my first ad job because the packet I submitted to the Onion fell into my first CD’s hands. Here’s a sample Onion-style article from that packet.

Nation To Be Given A Few More Minutes To Decide

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that it had not even been given its complimentary bread basket yet, the general public declared Monday that it would need a few more minutes to decide. “I thought I wanted ribs, but now I think I might be in the mood for something on the lighter side,” said Bethany Beach, DE resident Karen Hutchins, one of millions across the country who had begun to feel they could not confidently choose by the time the server got around to them. “You can’t add Butternut Squash Risotto and Spicy Thai Peanut Soup to the menu and expect anyone to know exactly what they want only five minutes after the drinks arrive.” When asked for further comment, the U.S. populace acknowledged that it had just gotten back from the bathroom and needed a refresher on the specials. At press time, the entire nation decided to just go with the burger.